Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
