my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
