God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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