I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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