if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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