Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have post one night stand depression
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