He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so that wasnt chicken after all
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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