did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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