uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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