She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
