Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
