I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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