I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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