If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
