did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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