i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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