I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
