Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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