something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
