make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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