My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
