Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
