We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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