So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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