I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
