Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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