I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
