Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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