proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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