forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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