R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
