in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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