Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
