a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
