cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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