The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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