I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
