what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
