so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
