If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
