she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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