The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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