roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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