I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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