Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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