ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
