'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Randomize
