I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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