every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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