The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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