Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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