I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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