yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
