You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
This is my gift to your gina
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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