can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
