she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
