...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
