we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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