Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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