so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
