dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
