Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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