i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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