not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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