I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
