It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
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