I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Randomize
