If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
