The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
