Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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