everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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