Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
