Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
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my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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