I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize