If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
3 2 1 whiskey
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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