I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
