yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
