He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
