Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
