You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
