i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize