Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
worst night to have a conscience
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
