oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
