Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
