Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
